


you took what you wanted

by humanluke



Series: slutty scholar au [4]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I Love You, Kissing, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, past trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 19:21:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29476890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/humanluke/pseuds/humanluke
Summary: luke shares some intimate details with calum.
Relationships: Luke Hemmings/Calum Hood, Luke Hemmings/Other(s)
Series: slutty scholar au [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2153763
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	you took what you wanted

**Author's Note:**

> hello she is back again with more slutty scholar au! i want to clarify that this fic does NOT have active r*pe/non-con in it, it happened in the past and luke is simply sharing his experience. would like to thank [molly](http://staticsounds.tumblr.com) for the prompt, and then [amanda](http://lifewasradical.tumblr.com), [emily](http://pixiegrl.tumblr.com), and of course my dearest wife [brooke](http://blackbutterfliescal.tumblr.com) for being here for me for the last week or so. love you all so so much!!
> 
> title comes from holly (would you turn me on?) by all time low! thank you and enjoy!

It was just another Friday night for Luke and Calum. 

It had started off easily enough, with Luke going over to Calum’s place. He’d found himself there a lot lately -- Michael had been spending a lot of his time over at his and Ashton’s place, and Luke didn’t want to intrude on their time together, so he’d go over to Calum’s. Especially on Fridays. 

Most Fridays, Calum had to work at Apothecary. Luke would work on his homework while he waited for Calum to get home, usually around one or two in the morning, and they would have a late dinner together and watch bad television or fool around before they crashed. 

Tonight was different, however. It was blizzarding out, so the bar had closed early, sending Calum home around 8pm, much to Luke’s happiness. His work could wait until tomorrow, he thinks, in favor of an actual evening with his boyfriend (which was a word he was still getting used to calling him, if he was being honest). 

So here he was, sitting on Calum’s couch, fingers tangled into his curls as he kisses him, tongue slowly memorizing the inside of the other’s mouth as Calum presses him into the cushions. Luke makes a soft noise into his mouth as Calum’s hands roam over his body, over his clothes, pressed up against him like his life depended on it. Calum pulls back a little bit, moving to kiss over his neck, eliciting a soft whimper from Luke’s throat as he tugs a little more at Calum’s curls. 

“So glad I get to be here instead of at work,” Calum hums against his skin, and Luke just makes a soft noise in response, leaning into the feeling of Calum’s teeth grazing against his skin. “Would rather be here with my pretty boy…” He grazes his teeth over Luke’s collarbone, hands slipping up underneath Luke’s shirt. Luke bites his lip, reaching down and pulling his shirt off.

“I’d rather you were here with me too,” he says, moving his hands to touch Calum again. Calum hums in response, pinning Luke’s wrists roughly above his head. Luke’s breath hitches in his throat, and he swallows a little bit. The rough way Calum did it panics him a little bit, and he tenses up a little under his touch, trying to put the thoughts that flashed into his mind away. Calum, however, can see the slight panic in his eyes and the way he tenses, so he lets go, sitting up a little bit as he tilts his head.

“Everything okay? Did I do something wrong?” he asks softly, moving to brush some curls out of Luke’s eyes. Luke flinches on instinct, and Calum pulls away fully, furrowing his brow slightly. “Luke…”

“I’m fine,” he says softly, sitting up against the arm of the couch. He tries to get the thought out of his head, but it’s creeping back in, like fog in his brain. He tries to breathe, tries to calm himself down, anything to get it out of his head. Calum just watches him, feeling helpless as he’s still unsure of what to do or what he should avoid. 

“How can I help?” he asks softly, keeping his hands to himself as he watches. He’s been there for a few moments like this with Luke, but they usually pass quickly. It’s usually because of school or work, but never because of something _he_ did. He chews on his bottom lip, his own heart thrumming against his ribcage as he waits for an answer. 

“Just… I need a minute,” Luke says, and he peels himself off of the couch, heading for the bedroom. Calum watches him go, sighing softly as he lets him, wanting to give him the space that he needs. He busies himself with taking care of their leftovers from dinner, trying not to catastrophize about what this means for them.

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

Calum busies himself for an hour before he goes to check on Luke. He doesn't want to be pushy, doesn’t want to do anything else that might upset him further. So he just hovers in the doorway of the bedroom, which is dark, Luke’s shape curled up in bed. He’s sniffling, like he’s been crying, and Calum inwardly curses at himself for doing something that could hurt the person he loves so much.

“Can I join you?” he asks softly, staying in the doorway. He prepares himself for a no, to send himself to sleep on the couch for the night, wait for the morning before trying to prod any further. Luke peeks up at him from under the blanket, nothing but a shape in the dark of the room. He hesitates for a moment, playing with the edge of the blanket a little bit as he thinks. Calum just sighs softly, turning to return to the living room, taking the hesitation as a no. 

“No, don’t -- don’t go,” Luke says, and his voice is small, cracking from the tears. “I don’t… I can’t be alone right now, I… please.” He sounds smaller than Calum could ever recall, and he turns back, hating that he’s somehow responsible for this. He just nods, moving to sit at the edge of the bed, leaving a safe distance between the two of them to not push any boundaries. 

“I’m not going anywhere, Luke,” he says softly, sinking into his mattress a little bit. “I’m here for you. I’m sorry for whatever I did to hurt you, I don’t know if I was too rough, or what it was, but… I’m sorry.” He’s wringing his hands in his lap, and Luke grows quiet, just the sound of his sniffling evident in the room as it hangs between them, this unanswered question. 

It stays that way for a little bit, and Calum sinks into the quiet like he does the bed, silently accepting that he wasn’t going to get an answer anytime soon. He’s trying not to let it bother him too much -- he’s sure Luke has his reasons for not being up front with him with this, whatever it is. He’s trying to respect his space. He just wishes it didn’t hurt so fucking much to do so. 

“When I was fifteen, I had this really big crush on this upperclassman,” Luke starts, his voice still soft. Calum looks over to him, still hard to pinpoint in the dark as he fumbles with the blanket. But Calum just waits, lets him tell whatever it was that he needed to tell. “His name was Sean. He used to flirt with me in the hallway, call me cute. I was young, I was stupid, I fell for it hook, line and sinker. I was over the moon when he left me a note asking me out on a date. I didn’t know what I had done to deserve the attention from this 17 year old, you know? I felt _special_ , wanted for the first time in a long time, since my parents didn’t particularly care for… my proclivity to all genders. 

“So I got all ready for it. It was my first _real_ date with another boy, so I was nervous. I had every right to be nervous, apparently.” Luke takes a breath, reaching for Calum’s hand, and he takes it, and he knows all too well where this is heading, he thinks. “So he picks me up, and we go out to see a movie. I don’t even remember what it was. Sean was trying to feel me up the whole time, and I was just _nervous_ , because at that point, I’d only kissed people. Because I was only 15 years old, you know? But I let him do it, anyways, because I was young and stupid and I thought letting him just kiss me and put his hands over my torso wasn’t that big of a deal, and that it would make him like me more. 

“We left the movie theater, and I tell him I’m ready to go home, because it’s almost 10 and we have school the next day. Always an overachiever, I guess. But he doesn’t listen to me. He takes me to this place that all the older kids always hang out, where they park and, you know. Fool around. I didn’t want to do that, I just wanted to go home. I asked him again if he could take me home, and he told me no, and he…” Luke trails off, and Calum just squeezes his hand gently. 

“You don’t have to keep going, babe, it’s okay,” Calum says softly. Luke’s started crying again, and he reaches over, wiping tears off of his face gently. “I’m sorry that happened to you, love. I want you to know I would _never_ do that to you, okay? I’m sorry if I hurt you, or made you think otherwise. I can be gentler in the future.” 

“You just… you pinned me, and it reminded me of what he did, how he… forced himself on me,” he manages. “How he held me down and told me he was going to make me feel good. He didn’t.” Calum just nods a little bit in understanding, brushing golden curls out of his face as he cries quietly, body shaking slightly.

“I won’t do it again, baby, I promise,” he says softly. “You’re so strong, you know that? I love that about you.” Luke lets out a soft laugh, sniffling as he looks up at Calum. Calum can feel the sadness radiating off of him, and he just wants to take it all away from Luke. He doesn’t want to see him like this anymore. And he hates whoever did this to him, to make him like that. 

“The last thing Sean said to me when he dropped me off was ‘you’re weak’,” Luke says bitterly, shaking his head a little bit. “He acted like it never happened, ignoring me at school. I had to pretend nothing was wrong to my family. To my friends. I shrugged it off. Shoved it in a box and tucked it away in the corner of my mind. Distracted myself with new partners, with parties, with school. It’s the whole reason I had the reputation of the school slut, even here.” He shakes his head a little bit. “I tried to bury the thought with as many people as possible. But no matter what, he still comes back to haunt me.”

“Well, now you have me,” Calum reminds him gently. “I’m here for you no matter what, okay? I love you, no matter what.” Calum doesn’t even think twice about the words making their way past his lips, doesn’t remember he hasn’t even shared that feeling with Luke yet. Luke stops a little bit, blinking up at him a little bit. 

“You love me?” he says softly. “Even though… I’m broken?” 

“You’re not broken, love,” he says. “Just a little weathered. Nothing wrong with that. And I’ll love you all the same. You know that.” Luke just sniffles again, curling up against Calum. 

“I love you too,” he says, almost a whisper as he tries not to cry again, but this time for the best reasons. “I’ve never even told Mike or Ash about this, you know…” Calum smiles softly at him, brushing hair out of his face. 

“I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to share with me,” he says gently. “Even if the circumstances were less than stellar. I’m grateful that you felt you could trust me with this knowledge, you know?” Luke just nods against him, face pressed into Calum’s neck as he tries to stop crying. “I love you so much, Luke, okay? I’m here for you.” Luke just squeezes his hand in return. 

“I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on [tumblr](http://cakelftv.tumblr.com)!


End file.
